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Entries in procrastination (2)

Sunday
Nov022014

NaNoWhyMe?

 

So, I was feeling guilty for not signing up for this year’s NaNoWriMo writing competition. I got over it pretty quickly, however, when I remembered I have all but neglected my blog. 

Then, I got past the guilt feelings for not writing by remembering I haven’t been doing much exercising, reading, cleaning house, or anything requiring much movement or planning.

And I got past those feelings by - you guessed it - taking a nice, long nap in my easy-chair after eating my way through the leftover Halloween candy, today’s Sunday dinner, and the traditional Broncos game-day nachos.

Do you see a pattern here?  A very ugly pattern.

It would appear I have a rare disease known as NaNoWhyMe.  There’s no cure, but there is a mandatory two day quarantine, wherein the afflicted is locked in a small room with only a bed, toilet, wine-box, crackers and Nutella. No writing is allowed, but there is a fully-unabridged dictionary to stave off loneliness.  We writers really only need our words to keep us company, right? I just wish I knew what the hell ‘unabridged’ means in regards to a dictionary. And why haven’t I ever wondered about that before?

So many puzzles.  So little brain activity left with which to solve said puzzles.

And to add insult to injury, the Broncos just had their asses handed to them on a silver platter by the New England Patriots. 

I’m having a bad day. I’m having a NaNoWhyMe kind of day.

The only light that could possibly remain in this day is tonight’s episode of The Walking Dead.

Yes, folks, it takes a bunch of zombies to save me from the Wahhhmbulance.  They call them walkers on the show, in case you weren’t up-to-speed on your TWD protocol.

Those crazy, flesh-eating walkers can make my frown turn upside-down.  It might be the only cure for my NaNoWhyMe curse.

I’ll let you know how it all pans out.  If you don’t hear from me, it just means the disease has progressed past the point of no return, or the walkers have eaten my brains and I can no longer string two sentences together.

NaNoWhyMe.  It’s a thing. Don’t let it infect you. You might want to stock up on antibiotics to keep the wretchedness at bay, but I think binge-watching all seasons of The Walking Dead might be the best way to build up immunity to the dreaded NaNoWhyMe’s.

Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor.  Because they sure aren’t working for me.

***By the way, I looked up unabridged and it just means not shortened. Boring definition. But the million dollar question is, does it renew my interest in dictionaries?

Uh.....No.

 

Image from Google Images

Thursday
Mar072013

The kitchen floor needs mopping

So I’m writing a blog post instead. From my comfortable easy chair in the living room, I am thankfully almost out of eye-shot from the spotty/sticky kitchen floor that commands my attention.  I’m even hesitant to retrieve that much-coveted second cup of coffee because I would have to get up-close-and-personal with said floor and thus be forced to fight through feelings of guilt while hobbling  sprinting back to the safety and sanctuary of my easy chair.

Life’s struggles…how they weigh us down!

Take Monday for example. FedEx delivered a step I ordered. Yes, I said step. As if I didn’t have enough steps with those eighteen monstrous ones leading up to my apartment door!  But I just had to have one more step.

So.

My new step is still snugly packed in a big old box by the door (in the kitchen).  I haven’t opened it yet. I haven’t even moved it.  And the sad fact is, I’m going to have to move it in order to mop the kitchen floor. 

So.

I know the question on everyone’s mind is what the fuck is this woman rambling on about why did Terri buy a step when she already has eighteen steps?   Well, the fact is, I’m having some severe mobility issues.  I don’t want to spoil the humorous portion of this post, so if this makes you sad, just skip this part. I promise I’ll get funny again later.  The doctor is running tests and x-rays to see what course of action to take for me and my bad back and knees.  However, it’s taking a long time and I’m getting very impatient with the whole freaking process. 

That’s why I bought the step. I’m having an extremely difficult time going up stairs.  The simple act of picking my foot up and putting it on a step has become a major challenge for me.  I don’t know why this is happening and I’m a bit worried it will get worse.   I bought the step so I can force myself to do step exercises every day.   The step can be adjusted from 4 to 6 inches. My attitude will probably need a slightly larger adjustment.

So until the doctor gets off her ass and gives me a diagnosis and treatment plan, I am watching my diet, doing back exercises and stretches, and walking miles inside my apartment with my walker.  And today, I am incorporating step exercise with my current repertoire. 

As soon as I open that freaking box…

Couple everything above with the fact that I have a propensity toward procrastination, and you get Not.Much.Accomplished.

Okay, back to the funny part.

While I sit here in my easy chair, with my second cup of coffee almost finished, a simple, 30-step plan is forming in my mind that could possibly work.  Let me know what you think?

  1. Shut down my laptop. Place it out of eye-shot.  Back away. Just.Back.Away.
  2. Get off my lazy ass.
  3. No more coffee. Even though there is at least one more cup left in the coffee maker.
  4. Okay, one more cup of coffee, then I’ll get started. But I have to drink it at the kitchen table.
  5. Finish third cup of coffee.
  6. Get off my lazy ass.
  7. Find my cane because the walker will not suffice for moving and mopping.
  8. Move box containing step into the living room.  Open box. Spread contents on the floor.
  9. Sit down and admire my work thus far.
  10. Get off my lazy ass.
  11. Glance over to kitchen floor and get annoyed. Why can’t I afford a maid?
  12. Gather broom, mop and bucket for the cleaning of the kitchen floor.
  13. Sit down and perform a mental inventory of items on living room and kitchen floor.
  14. Step in a million pieces. Check. Mop. Check. Broom. Check. Bucket. Check.
  15. Get off my lazy ass.
  16. Sweep and mop that fucking floor. In my next life, I WILL have a maid!
  17. Grab a glass of water, sit down and admire my work.
  18. Put my feet up.  Take a short nap.
  19. Get off my lazy ass.
  20. Put mop, broom and bucket away. 
  21. Sit down and read instructions for building step.
  22. Funny how I can build my own computer but following instructions to build one fucking step makes me want to chew glass.
  23. After much swearing and a banged-up finger, step is built.
  24. Sit down and admire my work.
  25. Get off my lazy ass. 
  26. Make myself a snack.
  27. Take a break, put my feet up.  All this activity has exhausted me.
  28. May as well fire up my laptop and read a few blogs.
  29. Try not to notice that big step sitting smack in the middle of my living room…along with the fact that I have not used it even once. 
  30. Okay I gotta go. Guilt can be a sobering catalyst. It’s time to STEP up and take it like a woman, big girl panties optional because I also need to do laundry.  I am also fresh out of coffee and excuses.

*****

Before Picture of STEP box, pieces and parts within below, along with a picture of what it is supposed to look like!  Check back in a few weeks later for the AFTER, for real…picture!