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Entries in Discovery (39)

Saturday
Jan072012

LIL Sister is in the house

Today I am thrilled to have my very own little sister (and by little I also mean short.  She’s 4’11” on a good day and cuter than a basketful of puppies) as my Guest Blogger.  This is her very first blog post ever and it may just have sparked her interest into starting her own blog.  I know you’re going to be charmed by her.  How could you not?  She is MY little sister, after all.   So without further adieu, I give you my sister Robin.  And please make sure and leave her some love in the Comments section.

 

Take it away LIL Sis!

 

*******

Lost And Found

 

At this point in life, in my 50’s, I find myself wanting to express things I lost in my life and things I found. And many questions that never got answered. You too? So I decided to sit down and make a list:


 The Lost

  • Four marriages, yes I said four. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine being in four unhappily-ever-after loves.

  • My dream career. We were raised in Atlanta close to the airport; as a matter of fact that same airport bought out two of my childhood homes.  So my idea career was to be a stewardess. And I had completely forgotten about it until the new show Pan Am came on.

  • My innocence, not just talking sex. Never thought I’d ever be abused and let it keep happening by a man. 

  • And myself, yep that’s a really hard one. In my early years, I had a wonderful Dad who taught me fishing, archery, and working on a car. And a big SIS who defended me like a lioness taking care of her young. She also kicked my ass if I acted wimpy.

The Found

  • Unhappily-ever-after loves, well I found the greatest love of all when God forgave me and changed my life forever. I can look in the mirror and not feel ugly.

  • Dream Career, I ended up having a degree in Early Childhood Education, in my 40’s.  Before then I was a mother, and worked sometimes two jobs to keep my head above water.

  • I also learned how to speak publicly. So I am no longer afraid to speak my mind or stand up for my beliefs. Still I think being a stewardess would have been really cool.

  • My innocence.  Well I still have my wonderful Dad, we’ve both grown older, but I remember most of the things he taught me. And now I’m passing it on to my grandchildren. My Wonderful Big SIS, no longer kicks my ass, but she is still someone to be reckoned with if anyone tries to hurt me.  She encourages me, laughs with me, loves me and I do the same for her. Oh I forgot to mention, she’s also my favorite Author.

  • And I found how to get tough in a big hurry. I am not afraid to stand up for myself or anyone else.

 The Unanswered

  • My favorite is why I lose one sock mate every time I wash clothes?

  • Why my children grew up so fast?  It’s like I turned my head for a second and they went from my babies to being parents themselves.

  • Oh, and why do some people have perfect charmed lives and some of us struggle all the way.

 ******** 

Well I hope with this article you may be encouraged to do your own lost and found. And with the encouragement from my Big SIS I may have just found my new blog.

 

 

 

Thursday
Dec222011

Widget WhaJit?

Oh for cryin’ out loud!

If you’re reading this, then you found your way over to my new, and quite fabulous, website.  I have to commend you on your perseverance and chutzpah, though, because I certainly didn’t make it easy for you to find me.

Here at terrisonoda.net we are still very much under construction, utterly confused, uberly consternated, and overly constipated (but that’s another story).     And by We I mean Me.   Sheesh.

I could take the ‘arrogant’ road and say that I was testing you, but then I’d be downright lying.  I’ve been the one tested and I’m about ready to hand in my assignment half-assed, and accept my less-than-desirable E grade.  That’s E for effort, just one step away from F for fail.  In case you aren’t up on your alphabet and grading systems. 

Seeing as I love lists  (I think I caught the list bug from Ally over at Two Normal Moms.  She’s awesome at lists!)   I decided I would list some of the things I’m still trying to work out on this new website, along with some of the things I screwed up, and finally some of the things I just gave up on and threw in the towel.  

I’m a nerd but I’m no widget-holic, people.  This shit is making me nuts.

Here’s my List:

1.  The Squarespace platform I’m using does not provide for an Email Subscriber widget.  After looking up the word ‘widget’ and deciding the word must have been created by  R2D2 from Star Wars or Mater from the Cars movie, I gathered what was left of my dignity and pressed on.  I did a little research and then I gave up and called my friend Lisa from Grandmas Briefs and offered my first-born for her expert advice.  She graciously turned down my bribe, but gave me the info anyway.  She told me to check out a third party thingy from Google called Feedburner.  I’m still looking into this.  I’ve read page after page after page, and still don’t know what the fuck they are talking about.   Terri Fail.  Thanks for trying Lisa.  You must have thought I had normal cognizant powers and I could grasp the newness of the situation.  I’ll keep reading. 

 

2.  My blog comment section was lacking this detail called threading.  For other clueless folks like me, it means there’s no place to reply to the comments, so interaction is limited.   I would have to post a regular comment and refer back to the commenter.  Pfffttt.  I don’t think so.  I LOVE the comments and I LOVE my witty retorts even more.  I’m a replier legend in my own mind.  I must have this capability!   So I called…..you guessed it…..Lisa from Grandmas Briefs.   Oh yea, I also sent an email to tech support.  However, I’m quite sure Lisa is a much better source.  She told me I could bring in Disqus, a third party comment widget thingamabob, that would do the things I want it to do, but there’s a big downside. 

(Isn’t there always a downside?)  Once installed, Disqus removes ALL the old comments from all your blog posts, from forever and infinity.  I am serious.

Did I opt to go this route?   Why, yes…yes I did.  And now there are no comments on my blog.  And I make my apologies to everyone who ever commented on my blog.  I hope you didn’t want to go back and view your previous comments because you can’t. 

 The.Comments.Have.Gone.to.Comment.Heaven.   May they rest in peace. 


       I need a minute.   Just let me get a tissue and I’ll be right back.

Sooooo, I consider that a partial Fail for Terri.  BUT now I have comments and replies just the way I want them.  So Please leave those comments.  Give me some shit.  Cuss me out.  Give me love.  Bring it.  I can take it.  And?  I can REPLY!     Awesome.


3.   So what did I give up on?   Well, I sat here for two hours last night, trying to do a sketch of a skyline and stars and really cool stuff to put up as background to my Title Header, and I finally gave up after a succession of miscalculations on size perspective and having a tree that  could pass for Godzilla.  I just gave up and went to bed.   I’m keeping the wine bottles up there.   What?   My creative juices are all dried up.  I’m just sayin.  You try and figure out widgets, threading, HTML, Page Ranking and all that other geeky crap after your second (or was it my third?) Baileys and Coffee.  I just didn’t give a shit anymore. 


 

4.  I also couldn’t figure out how to redirect anyone going to my old blog, over to my new blog.  I need to read some more.  Oh goodie.   So I applied a temporary fix and put a note up on the old site.  I’m nothing if not thorough.   And cheap.  And in search of a quick fix.  It’s been fun but also very frustrating at times!   Something that seems like it should be so simple, probably is.  I just can’t figure it out. 

Anyhoooo, welcome to my new place.  Like every new home, there is much to do.   The one thing that will remain constant, however, is my dedication to this blog and my readers.     I’ll make a deal with you. If you’ll keep coming back, I’ll keep trying to figure out how to make this website better and more user-friendly.  Deal?

Cool.   Much love!   Merry Christmas.  Happy Hanukkah.  Happy New Year.  Wicked Widgeting!  (is that a holiday?  It should be)     XOXOs!

      

 

(Images from Google Images)

Saturday
Dec032011

Santa baby



I begin every single holiday season LOVING some Christmas songs.  For example, I Love Love Love this sexy little song, “Santa Baby”.   Have a listen:

 Santa Baby

But.

By the time Christmas rolls around, I want to put my long fingers around the bitch’s little squeaky neck and shut her up.  What?   Don’t you? 

There are other Christmas songs that are cutesy and make me smile.  At first.  But again, after a few weeks, my perception goes from cutesy to putting my size 9 foot through the fucking radio.   By that time, I’m way past any reasoning my feelings away.  Hearing “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” makes me want to go out and run some poor little old granny down.   It’s not pretty folks.

And my partner?   She really loves that stupid Stupid STUPID song  “I Want a  Hippopotamus for Christmas”.   I told her she already has one.   Me.  Just check out my rear end and shut up about it.    I don’t need some octave-impaired man woman hermaphrodite person croaking crooning about a hippo.  For cryin’ out loud.

And then there’s Alvin and the Chipmunks and anything…Anything they sing.  When one of their scratchy, screechy, scrunchy songs come on the radio, my mind goes into over-drive on how to hunt the creators down, tie the bitches up, and force them to listen to their crap for hours and hours and see how much they like it. 

I’m not ‘into’ bondage, but I could go there, people, if I had to.

Perhaps the worst  of the worst….the Piece de Resistance….the cream of the crap…..would be the Christmas songs sung by the cats.   Lordy.  If your ears haven’t been privy, have a listen:

Jingle Cats

Kinda gets you in the mood, doesn’t it?   Not for Christmas, but rather for peeing in a cat box and licking yourself.    Seriously, it’s what you don’t hear that can alter your psyche and give you shingles.  If you played that song backwards, you’d bark like a dog and chew holes in your new bunny house slippers that Santa Baby brought you.  You think I’m kidding.  Check my closet.  Bunny ears everywhere.

Some days you just can’t win.  If the radio or the TV isn’t blaring Christmas songs, they’re playing Christmas commercials of people dancing through malls, singing badly concocted versions of Christmas songs and holding bags and bags of Christmas cheer.  After viewing said commercial four or five times during a one hour show, you get up to raid the fridge and find yourself dancing across the floor and singing incomprehensible  lyrics because you can’t remember the words. 

But they got to you, didn’t they?  The retail devils and their disciples, and the hot women in those little red skirts got to you.  You’re suddenly in the Christmas spirit and you don’t even know why.  You just want to dance.  And shop.  And sing incomprehensible lyrics.  And pee in the cat box. 

However, Doctor Terri is in and has your best interests at heart.  Just hang on a sec while I step outside on the patio and howl at the moon.  It’s calling me.

Ok, that felt good.  I just need to Google dog-barking carols now.  I’m shaking with anticipation.  The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to oysters. 

Where was I?   Oh yea, the Doctor is in.  This is my diagnosis:

You are way past help now.  Just give in to the macabre urges and go with the flow.  This is a temporary condition.   Some things are just too big to fight.  Think of yourself as that little wooden soldier nutcracker sitting up on the fireplace mantle.  You can just watch all the action, and every now and then someone will stick their nuts in your mouth and you can be useful.  

It’s good to be useful.   And some people like nuts.

I leave you wanting more I’m sure, but I can’t sit here all day being brilliant.  I have things to do.  I can’t find my Snoopy Christmas pajamas and Wal-Mart is all out of my favorite fart-pillow stocking stuffers. I need to do some serious shopping research.

So?   Enjoy these last three weeks before Santa Baby makes an appearance.  And don’t worry about me because I’ll be on the mantle watching you.  Just, please, tell your guests I’m broken.  I gave up nuts years ago.

Thursday
Dec012011

Just tooting my horn a little

Last year, I was asked by a local Las Vegas author if I’d like to submit a few of my short stories for a book she was compiling.    I would not make any money, but would get some exposure and could finally be called a ‘published’ author of sorts.  This intrigued me.

So. I said yes.

I submitted some stories.   To my delight, the author chose three of them to include in her book.   The book is a compilation of short stories from Mom’s and Dad’s.   It’s poignant and witty and warm and lovely.  I’m proud to be a part of this venture.

So.

Later this month, I will be attending the Launch Party, where all the authors of all the short stories in the book will gather, celebrate, be celebrated, and even sign some books!  

I’m giddy.

This is totally new territory for me and I’m very excited.   Something about seeing my stuff in print, ya know?  

So I know you’re all happy for me.  Maybe this will be a conduit of sorts to help me on my way toward finishing and getting my book published.   I can use all the help I can get.

I’ll keep you updated and certainly will be posting details about the book and pictures from the launch party when the time comes.

Yeah me!   And wouldn’t you know it?  I’m out of wine.
Tuesday
Nov292011

Teeth pulling, head banging, and deadlines

 

Writing a scholarly (there’s that word again) research paper can be likened to pulling one’s own perfectly good teeth and/or banging one’s own perfectly good head against a perfectly good wall.  It is self-mutilation in honor of academia, if you will.  It hurts.  Like the dickens. And it’ll cost a pretty penny to fix the hole in that wall.

I must enjoy pain.  But that’s another post for another time.

I have a deadline for this paper.  I hate deadlines.  I hate being told what to do.  I’m a bit of a loner and take pride in marching to my own little drummer.  My little drummer takes her own sweet time when marching, and I seriously have no control over that.  I have one speed:  Not fast.  Deadlines are never welcomed, not always met and frequently fretted over and the cause of many a nervous breakdown.  I wouldn’t have first-hand knowledge of that last symptom, however.

  At least not yet.

The research study paper begins, of course, with a Title Page.  This is a complete waste of paper, the killing of a tree, like saluting the environment with a big ‘Fuck You’.    It’s just wrong.  The Title Page consists of a title, a date and the author’s name, all centrally positioned on a big white boring page.    However, I am all about pleasing Professor so I comply.

There go the nation’s forests.  Don’t blame me.  I have a ‘thing’ for getting A’s.  I must get an A in this writing project.  I simply must.  So kill a tree?  Absolutely.   Miss the deadline?  Usually not an option.  Bang my head and pull my teeth?  I’m into pain, remember?

After the Title Page is the first page, which begins with something called an Abstract.   The abstract is not to be confused with the Introduction, which must also be included, but comes right after the abstract.  Here’s where I take issue, people.  In said abstract, I must summarize my overall intentions for the research paper in the first place.  So, I ask you, what’s that leave for the Introduction?

“Hello, my name is Theresa and I am writing this research paper to provide proof of my innocence. I have the right to remain silent….”   Oh wait, I fell asleep there for a sec.  That doesn’t quite fit, does it?  So what does fit?  I never did like introductions anyway.  Maybe I’ll just throw that section out. Maybe Professor won’t notice if I bribe him with a virtual apple or better yet, a virtual BJ or something.  I’m willing to try anything.  Although I’m really out of BJ practice, quite honestly.    And then there’s the whole gag reflex thing.  Ugh.  Serious lesbian nightmare material.

But I digress.

And the plot thickens.

Next you have to provide something called a Literature Review.  Believe me when I tell you that this section is not nearly as romantic as it sounds.  We writers think of ‘literature’ as something readable and get our warm-fuzzies on just thinking about it.  This is not that kind of literature, people.   The literature review is comprised of brief but thorough explanations for each and every piece of research information covered for your research project.    It’s a bitch is what it is.

Right about now, you’re either sipping your wine and wondering what the hell I’m babbling on and on about.

OR you’ve fallen asleep and your wine is now warm.  Make sure to wipe that drooly stuff off your face. Not attractive.

OR you’re thinking a literature review sounds a lot like a Bibliography.  You would be right on all counts:  the babbling, drooling and the bibliography.  So go ahead and get a refill on that wine.   I’ll join you.

So what I’ve figured out so far is that research study reports are so freaking large because you have to formulate your research info into several different sections, thus saying virtually the same damned thing over and over again, only mixing the words around for a more scholarly effect.

Kinda shines the old term, “educated idiot”  in a whole new light, doesn’t it?

And?  By the time I’m finished with this program and obtain that coveted Masters Degree, I will owe a whole bunch of money.   Again, ‘educated idiot’ anyone?   I can see how that might be perceived.

So, boys and girls, what have we learned today?  We learned some new words, or at least some new definitions for old words, right?   Let’s define some terms now, shall we?

  1. Deadlines.   Make you do things.  Bad things.  Because you gotta get an A.

  2. Head-banging and Teeth-pulling.   Normal daily workout for Grad students.

  3. Wine induced coma.  A beautiful dream of school break and happier times.  All you need is enough wine to get you there.

  4. Educated idiot.    Yours truly.  And getting more so with each passing second.

  5. Masturbation…..err, I mean Masters Degree.  There’s no time for the former.  Sadly.

  6. Virtual bribery.  Apple, BJ, sexting, cash, jewelry, first born. (See number 1)


 

*******************


Turns out, there’s a whole lot more to this freaking fancy paper than the sections I have described above, too numerous and too boring to mention.  I’ve been plugging away all day on this mutha-effing report, and now I’m enjoying blogging, reading some blogs and drinking some wine.  I’ll finish the thing tomorrow.  Deadline?  Oh, that was yesterday.  I’m late.  And I’m handling it pretty well, don’t you think?

I sent my “apple” off to teacher.   I’ll still get an A.

Just kidding!   Cheers!



 

 

(Image by Google Images)
Saturday
Nov262011

Liebster Award and NaNo Winner

 

Today was a big writing accomplishment day for me!  I topped 50,000 words in NaNoWriMo, writing my new novel titled “The Secret”  (working title).  So, I uploaded my novel up to the NaNoWriMo site so they could do their official word count, and sure enough, I made it.   A cool window popped up with some people I never seen before singing Congrats to me, along with a Winner Certificate and NaNo Winner button to download.    Below is my Rockin’ Certificate (click on picture to enlarge, cause it looks awesome when it's big!).  I’m official now.  I have a manuscript without an ending, but with 50,000 words.  Awesome Sauce.

 



 

In other news, Rachel fromTotally Ovar It, awarded me the Liebster Award.  I am beyond flattered that this lovely young woman would even take the time of day to read the silliness on my blog, much less put me up for an award.  But she did.  Cause that’s how she rolls.  She’s awesome sauce, too.

So, here is my award, which will be proudly displayed on my sidebar. Thank you so much, Rachel! 



As I understand it, Liebster is a German word meaning beloved or favorite.  Now I have the privilege of bestowing this award onto five of my favorite blogs.  They are:

Telega Tales and Tart Cookies.   One of the best humorous bloggers out there, in my humble opinion.  Wit, wisdom and whimsy.  She’s a-freaking-mazing.  She has a new book out called Box of Rocks that is doing well and receiving more kudos and good reviews every day.   And yet, she remains a humble, grounded, everyday, fabulously funny blogger.   And my friend.  Love her!

Wrestling with Retirement.   Eva writes an amazing blog, full of fun, jokes, wisdom, and even Fiction Fridays.  She writes a new post every single day.  That freaking amazes me.  She never disappoints, always coming up with fresh ideas and content.  Her stuff’s concentrated on the retired set, but sprinkled with plenty of entertaining reading for all.

Going A Musing.  The lovely and talented Ms Vidya Sury of India writes a delightful blog of a variety of subjects to appeal to many reading audiences.  And besides her kickass blog?  She’s the coolest of the cool.  I love learning about her life on the other side of the world, and you will, too.   She’s a must read!  And tell her I sent you.  She likes me, so you will be received with open arms.  

HawleyvillePamela writes a writer’s blog.  An excellent one.  That’s the best way I can describe it.  I’m addicted to her life stories and reflections, but mostly to her efforts, struggles and successes in the writing world…a world in which I am honored to be a part.  She inspires me with each post.

Mommy Go Something Something.   Kimberly is a Canadian blogger, hilarious, compassionate, but also honest and serious about her struggles with postpartum depression and bipolar 2 disorder.  She’s beautiful, brilliant and raw.  I am so glad to have the privilege of reading her.  She will tickle your funny bone and touch your heart.

*******************************


So, now ladies, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it.  Participation is not mandatory.  No one will knock on your door or make ugly phone calls or call you nasty names if you do not participate.   I got MY Award, so I'm good either way.  LOL.    I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you!

  1. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

  2. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

  3. Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

  4. Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers.


 

And So...

In accepting this Award,  I want to take this opportunity to thank my Mom and Dad, Uncle Jethro, my high-school English teacher, the postman, my therapist, the bartender at Green Valley Ranch casino, my cocktail waitress, my John Elway Bobble Head Doll and Bailey's Irish Creme.  I couldn't have done it without you all!  I'm just so blessed.

But seriously, thanks again Rachel and thanks to my blogger friends for making my days brighter.  I could have listed many more wonderful blogs and blog friends.  You know who you are!    XOXOs

 

 
Sunday
Nov132011

Hunger and the Fat Food Shopper



I sit down and plan my week’s menus, then dutifully make out my weekly food shopping list.  We’re on a tight budget at my house, and it’s the only way to keep me from bringing home every Twinkie and frozen pizza I can get my hands on.

That was last night.

This morning I got up and had my coffee and farted around the house checking email, watching TV and being lazy.  By the time I actually made it to the grocery store, I was hungry enough to eat liver.

And for me to eat liver, I have to be mondo, uber, sooper dooper hungry.  I’m talking bear-like.  It’s not pretty.

So I was pretty hungry.  I started out being the Good Terri that I always aspire to be.  That lasted down the produce and soda aisles.  About that time, Bad Bad Terri jumped on my shoulder and said, “Let’s rock this mutha.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I blame it on Bad Bad Terri.   She gets me in a lot of trouble.

But back to my story…

So, I picked up speed with my shopping cart and whizzed right past the items on my list……tomato sauce, canned vegetables, soup.   I rounded the corner on two wheels and “Behold the Awesomeness”!  There before me was the crackers, cookies and cakes aisle.  Oh lordy, I was going to “hell in a hand basket”, as my Mom used to say.  I started loading up my cart with anything sugar coated, cream puffed, cream filled, lemony, chocolaty, with nuts, without nuts, with icing, without icing, and plain donuts, too.



My breathing became shallow and I broke  into a sweat.  I made it to the end of the aisle just in time. My cart was full.

And then…..

A wonderful, BBQ…ish smell drifted right smack up my nose, and like a cartoon character, my feet lifted off the floor, and I literally floated all the way over to the Deli counter.   And there they were, glistening, inside the case.  The most beautiful BBQ ribs I’d ever seen.  It was a magical moment.

I ran back to my cart, hurdling an old lady, a seeing-eye dog and two toddlers.   I needed to make room for those ribs.  I needed to make a decision.  What should I get rid of?    This was too easy!  Those plain donuts of course!   Everything else had to stay.  I was not parting with those Twinkies and nobody was going to make me.  I had a need for a Twinkie.  If you know what I mean.  You’ve all been there, right?  Am I right?   I know I am.

So, I made some room in my cart for those bodacious ribs and wheeled on over to the Deli counter to make my ribs purchase.  OH MY GOD.  They were gone.  No ribs!  In fact, the BBQ smell was gone!

IN FACT, the beautiful Deli was gone!

And then I woke up. 

Not really.  I’m just kidding.  I’m a kidder.

But I did have a similar dream where I was ravenous in the grocery store.  However, in that dream, those Twinkies went home with me.

Message or Moral of this wacked out story?   Well I have two.

  1.       Never go to the grocery store when you are hungry.

  2.       Send a skinny person to do your food shopping.


(Images from Google Images)
Thursday
Nov032011

The Top 10 Reasons I Must NaNo

The fabulous NaNoWriMo and the exhausting Grad School are taking their toll on me, so I haven’t been paying much attention to my beloved blog and my few (but precious) readers.  So here’s a shorty.

Yes, I can do short.  It’s a stretch for me, but I am going to make it happen.



The Top Ten Reasons I Must NaNo

10.    I figure, if Snookie can write a book, so can I. 

9.      All my plants died, so my singing talents won’t get me very far.

8.      The voices in my head promised they’d be quiet while I write.

7.      (Someone once said )  I look sexy when I’m writing.   

6.      My older son is the math nerd.  Younger son is the law nerd.  I am the Word Nerd.  I have to represent!

5.      Writing a novel works the same way as “an apple a day keeps the doctor away”.   I’m healthy as a horse and this is just the third day!

4.      Some of my best friends are doing it.   NaNo, that is.   (what did you think I meant?)

3.      Football season and the Denver Broncos tank this year, and it looks like No Basketball.  I gotta do something with my time.

2.      I’m out of batteries for my vibrator reading light.

AND, the number one reason I Must NaNo?

1.      I need this.  Not funny, I know.  I seriously need this.  I’m not feeling all that confident these days, and I need to succeed at something.  I will succeed at NaNoWriMo!

***************


So there you have it, yet another list from yours truly.   I’m fast approaching the 5000 word mark in NaNo and I’m stoked.  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m keeping a count on my blog page. 

Look over to your right.  It’s under the really big NaNoWriMo sign.   I’m a bit of a show-off.

Later, dudes.    Coming soon……..a little peek at my new novel.

(Image from Google Images)