Kathy, her lover of 2 years, had left her a couple weeks back. She left without a credible reason, and took nearly everything they had accumulated together. Deb didn’t care about all the stuff, so she didn’t complain as she watched the movers clearing out their last two years, as if they never happened. She just sat on the porch and had a cigarette while she watched her drive away. She suspected there was another woman, but it didn’t really matter. Deb always believed that when someone was ready to leave, it’s just best they leave. She couldn’t make her stay, and she wasn’t really sure at that moment if she even wanted her to stay.
After two weeks, however, depression had begun to take its toll and Deb was feeling and looking like she needed help. She’d always kept her feelings inside, and wasn’t like Kathy, who wore her heart on her sleeve. No, Deb didn’t feel the need to put her business out there for judgmental so-called friends looking to buy a ticket to a train wreck. She’d always lived her life honestly and given her love completely. It just never seemed to pay off for the long run. She thought her bedroom skills were adequate, but who knew if a whole new set of sex rules had been invented since anyone confided in her. Maybe she just stank in bed. She quickly shook that thought off, however, as she knew self-deprecation was not going to help her feel any better. Hell no, she was amazing in bed, that’s all there was to it. Kathy had said so many times, although not so much in the last 5 or 6 months.
As she sat there in Starbucks sipping her Vanilla Latte and pretending to be reading something important on her laptop, she noticed a couple out of the corner of her eye. She briefly glanced over and discovered Kathy and a man seating themselves on the couch by the window. He was helping her off with her coat and looking very happy to be in her company. Hoping they hadn’t seen her, Deb slouched down into the booth, covering her face with the laptop, glancing their way every few seconds because she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. They sat very close together, and his arm went around her shoulders. They seemed so engrossed in each other eyes and smiled constantly. Deb’s stomach was beginning to ache and she felt a bit nauseous. The man leaned into Kathy and kissed her gently on the lips, and then kissed her a second time, with more depth and feeling. As a tear escaped the corner of her eye and rolled down her cheek, Deb stared at the happy couple with a sadness she’d never felt before. Suddenly, she folded her laptop, gathered her things and tried to make a hasty but unnoticed exit. Pulling on her coat while walking down the street, tears were coming so fast she couldn’t see. She was sobbing heavily now, and all she wanted to do was flee to the sanctuary of her home and those four walls.
Just as she approached her car and reached for the door handle, she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder. She turned around and looked into Kathy’s beautiful face, but had no words for her. She had every emotion possible circling around in her body and her heart, and she couldn’t speak a word. Kathy said, “Please baby, let me explain. It’s not what it appears to be.”
Still, Deb could say nothing. It was as if she had no voice. Her mind kept coming up with plenty of things she wanted to say to Kathy, but she would never hear them. Deb turned around and got into her car, with Kathy begging for her to just listen. Staring straight ahead, Deb started the car and pulled out into the street and left her lover on the sidewalk. Kathy was no longer a part of her world. At that moment, Deb hated her, but at the very same time, she realized she had loved her desperately. Why couldn’t she have just spoken the words?