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Sunday
May062012

Monday Listicles - One hour in the day of an old unemployed broad

 

 

Happy Monday!  I’m linking up with the lovely Stasha over at The Good Life for Monday Listicles.  This week’s list is supposed to encompass one hour out of our day.  My life is so exciting it was really hard to choose which hour to share with you, but I finally settled on my first waking hour of the day.  Brace yourself folks, because it is riveting.  Trust me, you'll be talking about my hour at the water cooler for days. I'm truly a legend in my own mind.  Anywho, I hope you enjoy my list:

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6:30 a.m.   I wake up.  I don’t use an alarm unless you count my built in “Igottapee” meter.

6:31 a.m.   I don’t exactly spring out of bed, but rather inch my way to the edge and slowly begin the rise upwards until I’m fully vertical.  Then I take my morning pills.

6:35 a.m.  I put on the coffee.  Most important step of the entire day.

6:37 a.m.   Morning bathroom routine.  I don't want to frighten the squeamish but my routine may or may not include a three-way mirror, a jackhammer, and pork rinds.  What?  A girl has her beauty secrets!

6:45  a.m.  I turn on the TV.  I  have to be ready for Good Morning America.  It’s my thing.  Don’t judge. The comedy is top-notch. They talk about the unemployment rate improving.  I get a really good laugh when they do that.

6:46 a.m.   I pour myself a cup of coffee.  I take a sip.  Ohhhh.  Yea, that’s what I’m talking about. At 6:46 a.m., I can honestly report that coffee is better than sex.  Yes, I just said that! I'm shocked too.

6:47 a.m.   I pour a glass of orange juice and heat water for my oatmeal.  Every. Single. Day. Of. My. Freaking. Life, people. Oatmeal, orange juice and coffee.   Boring? Yes. But. I never need a laxative.  Just sayin..

6:55 a.m.  I connect up to my coffee IV and take my breakfast into the living room to eat and watch Good Morning America. Robin Roberts is kinda hot, in a butch kinda way, don’t you think? This is where I realize I seriously need to get out more. People have jobs and go on vacations and eat out, according to this informative show.  I can’t look away.  It’s mesmerizing.

7:15 a.m.  I wait for a commercial to come on and then I take my dishes to the kitchen, unhook the IV and drink the rest of the coffee straight from the pot, and then sit back down and multitask. I check my blog, email, face book, twitter and the job boards. I look for a job online.  I can type, take shorthand, juggle, dance, tell bad jokes, do a couple card tricks, tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue, play air hockey like a pro, and cook.  Employable skills?  You betcha!  Anyone out there hiring?

7:30 a.m.  I am out the door for my morning walk.  Suddenly, I realize all is right with my world after all.  I am loving the fresh air and the new promising day that’s ahead of me.  Will I get that job today?   Maybe.  However it turns out, it’s a good day to be me.

 

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