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« Jeanscape | Main | Go Terrri! It's your birthday! »
Wednesday
Sep072011

How Terri got her butch back

Today I was in the mood for a fairy tale.  So I decided to write one of my very own.  The story you are about to read is purely fictional.  The names may sound familiar, but pay no attention.  This is purely fantasy and pretty darned awesome, if I do say so myself.  Hope you enjoy!

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Long ago in a land far, far away, there lived a happy-go-lucky lesbian named Terri, who spent her days free from worry about manicures, pedicures, hair styles, make-up, designer bags and stilettos.  She frolicked, instead, in her comfy jeans, Broncos t-shirts and Reeboks, and never worried about missing a sale at Kohl’s or getting the perfect pluck on her eyebrows.   She was awesome.  And she was butch.

As the years went by, and she succumbed to peer-pressure from co-workers and straight friends, Terri slowly began her metamorphosis into the prissy, persnickety, pain-in-the-ass that she is today.   The outfits must match the shoes and the purse, and leaving the house without makeup is out of the question.   The wonderful hours once spent as a fan of the Denver Broncos are now wasted in the aisles at Marshall’s, jockeying for position and fighting over the perfect handbag.  Yes, both activities take skill, but the latter earns a zero on the butch meter.  

Our Terri has lost her butch.  

Sadly, most of her “change” happened over the past year.  In the fall of 2010, Terri decided to grow her hair out.  For 20 plus years, she’d strutted around with a super-short doo, looking butch and quite content with herself.  However, one day, when she entered her bank and the teller said, “May I help you sir?”, Terri decided too much butch might not be a good thing.   So she began growing her hair out. 

As her hair grew, she spent more and more time in front of the mirror. 

Again, not very butch.

She washed, conditioned, colored, combed, brushed, curled and straightened her hair as if she’d never seen hair before.  She brought the phone into the bathroom with her, and took her own picture.  She began shopping in the hair products aisle, buying such prissy things as decorative combs, scrunchies, headbands, clips and rhinestone-studded bobby pins.

As if having fabulous long hair wasn’t enough, Terri began shaving her legs on a regular basis, instead of the required shave before a doctor visit.    All the hair products and shaving paraphernalia and creams and new makeup ran up quite a bill, and Terri was thankful she’d landed a decent job.    Let’s face it; you can’t purchase seven pairs of sandals in one summer, along with two pedicures and four handbags on unemployment benefits.

Then Terri lost her job.   So now Terri had lost her butch and lost her job.  Things were starting to look pretty dismal.   She’d grown quite accustomed to her Tall double vanilla latte on the way to work each morning.  

Again, not butch.   Terri used to drink her coffee black.  And strong.

So times got tough and since Terri was no longer tough (because tough goes with butch and butch was gone) she had to resort to some fast and furious job-hunting.   She had to feed her UNbutch habits, you understand.   In the meantime, she stopped wearing the expensive makeup unless she had a job interview.    She drew the line at hair products, though.  Her long locks would not suffer just because she lived below the poverty level.   

She couldn’t help thinking, though, that it would certainly be cheaper if she were the happy butch lesbian she used to be.     Ah the good old days.

So, the handbags and sandals were thrown into a heap in her closet.  She kept her very favorite purse and sandals at the ready, however, just in case she needed a prissy-fix.   She put the scrunchies, fancy combs and rhinestone bobby pins away, leaving only a headband and some plain bobby pins to keep the hair out of her eyes.   She started making her own coffee, sans the cream, and squelched the urge to primp-up and take pictures of herself.

She was starting to feel like the old Terri again.   Care-free, jagged fingernails, unpainted toenails, unibrow and all.   It was good to get her butch back.  

Why did she want to be her old butch self?   Because Terri was at her happiest when she wasn’t trying to impress anyone with her blinding beauty and her feminine wiles.  She was happy to just be funny and loud and silly and butch. 

Women like her that way.  Butch.

Her friends like her that way.  Butch.

Jury’s still out on her Dad, though.  He probably prefers her a little less butch.  But we won’t ask him.

The long hair stays though.  Because it’s fabulous and she loves her hair.    She’s not a girly girl, but she is a girl. 

The hair stays.

Now for that job.  Terri needs a job so she can buy some new Broncos tees, Reeboks and jeans.  She threw all that out when she got all prissy-fied.

And that, my friends, is how Terri got her butch back.   Well, it’s a work in progress.  But still…..

The End

Well, sort of…



(Images from Google Images)

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Reader Comments (30)

Oh the shave and a doctor's visit...hahah.
As long as "Terri" doesn't sport a mullet, I am down with it.
Ps. My toenails have been sporting the same polish since May-ish....

September 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

It's a lovely fairy tale - I'm so glad your character got her butch back. What it sounds like, is that she got her comfortable back. And I say Amen to that. Seriously, the lotions and potions and creams and magic formulas are EXPENSIVE! A person could buy a lot of Broncos tees with that money!

September 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlly

-----"lost her butch!" Pooooor ol' Terri.
--I'll say one thing, being a girly girl cost big bucks, babe. Sometimes Kim wished she could cut off all her hair, throw away her 100 tubes of lipstick, drink beer instead of martinins & wear flats instead of spiked heels.
No can do.
-once a girily girl, always a girly girl.
& I hope Terri is now happy being her athentic butch self.
xx KIss. Hug.

September 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMy Inner Chick

Loved it, Terri! You'll always be my favorite butch (although I never really thought of you as 'butch'... probably because I met you and Wendy at the same time. She's kinda got you beat in the butch department.

September 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichael Triggs

Thank God I never lost my butch. I must be a striaight butch. LOL My hair has always been short, and wash and wear style. I only shave my legs if I wear shorts or a dress. For capri's I shave just to the knees. I do like pedicures. Make up is optional. Black coffee is a must. Your fairy tale person should keep her long locks.She does look marvelous with long hair. Bottom line just be ourselves. Loved the post. Love Ya. M

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBabe's Place

You shine a bright light on ignorance.
I'm 68 & grew up in mining towns...how many gay people do you think I got to meet? My 1st encounter was with drag queens, a gay pride parade, and a "queer" agent hitting on my boyfriend.
I suspect that many of us have lived in the "don't ask, don't tell" community.
I am proud to say that I don't have anything but curiosity now, and you and others are a breath of fresh air, writing and talking about being gay.
I don't believe that it's a "lifestyle choice" as some churches claim. I am sure that it is still agonizing for some to come to grips with.
Bravo! Live your life, get your butch on and own it! It's a part of your brilliance.

PS: We like your girly side too.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlittlepatti

oh, oh. I wear my hair short, live in t-shirts, jeans, and reebocks......I'm butch and didn't know it! (of course, I'm retired and have lost the need to be prissy!)

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEva Gallant

Love the fairy tale, Terri. We all should write one! You've inspired me.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLorna's Voice

You're brilliant the way you are. Being comfortable in your own skin is what it's all about.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKarla Telega

"...instead of the required shave before a doctor visit" - so so funny! I have super blonde hair - don't hate me, but I *might* shave my legs once a year - they are smooth and the hair just flat doesn't grow - and boy and I glad when I hear other women's woes.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLBDDiaries

Joan's lucky like that too. She's not a blond, but her leg hair grows so light you can hardly see it. That's just not fair. (pouty face)

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

Oh gosh, you made me spew my soda. I used to have a mullet, back in my 30s. OMG it was just Wrong. So wrong.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

Yes, you are so right, my friend. And since I just got the good news today that I am once again, employed.....I may buy several Broncos tees! They need all the help they can get, for real.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

Hey sweets. You know, I seriously don't want to lose all my prissy ways. I am now, and will always and forever be...............a Purse Whore. LMFAO

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

I must concur with you on that, Mike. She does indeed have me beat in the butch department. Ain't she a cutie pie???

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

Absolutely, my sweet Mary, you are still my favorite straight butch friend. It takes special skills to be you, and you sure have mastered them all. You're a tough little cookie, but cute as a bug all at the same time. Love you bunches!

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

Patti.........I loved this comment soooo much. You are one enlightened Canadian lady, and I'm so proud to be getting to know you. Thanks so much for being here. HUGSSSS

(and I like my girly side, too. LOL)

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

Eva. you little butchy you. LMAO. I love it!

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

I'll be waiting to read your fairy tale, m'lady, so get to it. And thanks!

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

Absolutely concur..........and right back at ya's, my beautiful friend.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

Total fairy tale, I don't recognize a bit of it. And here's a confession: now that I swim all the time, you would think I would shave not only my legs but my bathing suit line, but honey, if I had to go through that effort, I would not even bother with the swimming. I just figure i can stay wrapped until the final second and then dive in :)
You're awesome, be a butch, a bitch, a priss or a princess, as long as you're you!!

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

Thank you Pamela, and I think I'm probably all of those things....but mostly I'm just silly. And that's fun.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

I simply love your humor and creativity SIS! And I always enjoy what you write!

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRobin Craig

Thank you LIL Sis. You Rock.

September 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertsonoda148

OMG, this is too funny. lol
Love all the references to hair styling and products.
Great Post!

September 12, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersherri

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