Long ago in a land far, far away, there lived a happy-go-lucky lesbian named Terri, who spent her days free from worry about manicures, pedicures, hair styles, make-up, designer bags and stilettos. She frolicked, instead, in her comfy jeans, Broncos t-shirts and Reeboks, and never worried about missing a sale at Kohl’s or getting the perfect pluck on her eyebrows. She was awesome. And she was butch.
As the years went by, and she succumbed to peer-pressure from co-workers and straight friends, Terri slowly began her metamorphosis into the prissy, persnickety, pain-in-the-ass that she is today. The outfits must match the shoes and the purse, and leaving the house without makeup is out of the question. The wonderful hours once spent as a fan of the Denver Broncos are now wasted in the aisles at Marshall’s, jockeying for position and fighting over the perfect handbag. Yes, both activities take skill, but the latter earns a zero on the butch meter.
Our Terri has lost her butch.
Sadly, most of her “change” happened over the past year. In the fall of 2010, Terri decided to grow her hair out. For 20 plus years, she’d strutted around with a super-short doo, looking butch and quite content with herself. However, one day, when she entered her bank and the teller said, “May I help you sir?”, Terri decided too much butch might not be a good thing. So she began growing her hair out.
As her hair grew, she spent more and more time in front of the mirror.
Again, not very butch.
She washed, conditioned, colored, combed, brushed, curled and straightened her hair as if she’d never seen hair before. She brought the phone into the bathroom with her, and took her own picture. She began shopping in the hair products aisle, buying such prissy things as decorative combs, scrunchies, headbands, clips and rhinestone-studded bobby pins.
As if having fabulous long hair wasn’t enough, Terri began shaving her legs on a regular basis, instead of the required shave before a doctor visit. All the hair products and shaving paraphernalia and creams and new makeup ran up quite a bill, and Terri was thankful she’d landed a decent job. Let’s face it; you can’t purchase seven pairs of sandals in one summer, along with two pedicures and four handbags on unemployment benefits.
Then Terri lost her job. So now Terri had lost her butch and lost her job. Things were starting to look pretty dismal. She’d grown quite accustomed to her Tall double vanilla latte on the way to work each morning.
Again, not butch. Terri used to drink her coffee black. And strong.
So times got tough and since Terri was no longer tough (because tough goes with butch and butch was gone) she had to resort to some fast and furious job-hunting. She had to feed her UNbutch habits, you understand. In the meantime, she stopped wearing the expensive makeup unless she had a job interview. She drew the line at hair products, though. Her long locks would not suffer just because she lived below the poverty level.
She couldn’t help thinking, though, that it would certainly be cheaper if she were the happy butch lesbian she used to be. Ah the good old days.
So, the handbags and sandals were thrown into a heap in her closet. She kept her very favorite purse and sandals at the ready, however, just in case she needed a prissy-fix. She put the scrunchies, fancy combs and rhinestone bobby pins away, leaving only a headband and some plain bobby pins to keep the hair out of her eyes. She started making her own coffee, sans the cream, and squelched the urge to primp-up and take pictures of herself.
She was starting to feel like the old Terri again. Care-free, jagged fingernails, unpainted toenails, unibrow and all. It was good to get her butch back.
Why did she want to be her old butch self? Because Terri was at her happiest when she wasn’t trying to impress anyone with her blinding beauty and her feminine wiles. She was happy to just be funny and loud and silly and butch.
Women like her that way. Butch.
Her friends like her that way. Butch.
Jury’s still out on her Dad, though. He probably prefers her a little less butch. But we won’t ask him.
The long hair stays though. Because it’s fabulous and she loves her hair. She’s not a girly girl, but she is a girl.
The hair stays.
Now for that job. Terri needs a job so she can buy some new Broncos tees, Reeboks and jeans. She threw all that out when she got all prissy-fied.
And that, my friends, is how Terri got her butch back. Well, it’s a work in progress. But still…..
Well, sort of…
(Images from Google Images)